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“You know, I would be a whole lot more excited about you turning one year older if I was in your will. “I would be so much more into your birthday if it were my birthday.”ģ3. “Happy birthday! You’re how old? Oh man – that’s like, dead in dog years.”ģ2. “Happy summer birthday! Get out and enjoy it while you’re still young enough to not fall into the “high risk” category for heat stroke death.”ģ1. I’m afraid a Happy Birthday is all you’re going to get.”ģ0. “I believe you forgot my birthday present last year. “Wishes may come and go, but age always sticks with you. Really, it’s nothing to get worked up over. “On your birthday, remember this: age is only a number that represents how attractive, happy and able-bodied you are. “Happy birthday! I sincerely hope that you don’t take this early birthday message as a sign that you might not make it.”Ģ7.
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Honestly, I didn’t think you would live this long. “I’m so sorry for sending you belated birthday wishes. “Happy birthday to someone who is now taking drugs on their birthday for serious medical reasons.”Ģ5. “Happy birthday to a person whose age now makes them cry even more than the day they came into this world.”Ģ4. “I wish you a very happy birthday! Just please remember to tell me how old you’re pretending to be, so we can keep up the charade.”Ģ3. Unless, of course, I did remember it, in which case – please disregard this message. “Forgetting your birthday was merely an April Fool’s Joke. “Happy birthday! Congrats on reaching an age that makes your receding hairline seem appropriate.”Ģ1. “It’s a special day – your birthday! Let’s go out and celebrate you being one year closer to removing your age from your Facebook profile.”Ģ0. I’m so sorry you’ve reached an age where pop culture marketers are no longer targeting you.”ġ9. “Happy birthday! Don’t let a 27-year old Olympic gold medal winner make you feel like a failure on your birthday.”ġ8. “Here’s to you on your birthday! May you live to be so old, you sincerely wish you were dead.”ġ7. “Happy birthday! May you live to be so old, people start wondering if you’re the walking dead.”ġ6. “Congratulations! You only look one year older than you did on your last birthday.”ġ5. “Wait – you’re how old today? You’re so lucky you’re not a dog. Remember, the older you get, the closer you get to having them choose a nursing home.”ġ3.
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“Happy birthday! Today, I would advise you to be nice to your kids. “Don’t be bummed about your birthday! You know what they say: it’s better to be a year older than to be one month late. “Happy birthday! They say that age is just a number. “Congratulations on finally reaching the snapdragon phase of your life: one part of you has snapped, and the other part of you is dragging. We have millions of members all over the world.”ĩ. “Happy birthday! Congrats on joining the 28-years-old-forever club. Just think about what you’ll be like in ten years – yikes!”Ĩ. Be happy and remember that things could be worse. “On your birthday I’m going to share the secret to staying young: lying about your age.”ħ. “You know what they say: it’s better to be over the hill than buried 6 feet underneath it. “Happy birthday! You know you’re getting old when you never walk past a bathroom without saying “well, I’m here already – I may as well pee.””ĥ. “Happy birthday! Want to feel young and thin again? Let’s go hang out with a bunch of old and fat people.”Ĥ. It’s been scientifically proven that too many birthdays will, in fact, kill you. “Listen, I hate to be the one to do this, but you need to get your birthday habit under control. How do you feel?” Joe says, “I feel like a newborn babe!” “Really, a newborn babe?” “Yes! I have no teeth, no hair, and I think I might’ve wet my pants!” Happy birthday!”Ģ. One says, “Joe, I’m 84 years old, and I have nothing but aches and pains.